When He Left
by MistyShimmer
Summary: From Bella's Point of view. Edward leaves, Just like in new moon. This is my take on how she'll deal with it. No Jacob, Because well, There never should have been a Jacob sorry to the Jacob lovers


I sat in the middle of the room. All eyes where on me. What was it that I was supposed to know that was just so obvious? Dumbfounded, I looked up from my note book of mysterious doodles, and shrugged at the large man who was impatiently gripping his thick black suspenders.

He rolled his eyes, made a small mark in his book, and nodded in the direction of the girl who was eagerly jumping out of her seat, obviously anxious to show that she knew the answer that I didn't. I went back to my mindless stare towards my notebook.

My hand curved slowly, spirals appearing on the page, and twisting within one another. The spirals trailed, up, down, across, and back again, as if I had spent my life doing this, it flowed, like it was all I had ever been meant to do. But it wasn't all I was ever meant to do. My hands were meant to be elsewhere, but I knew they'd never be doing what they longed to do. So here I sat, traces of time forever etched in dull black ink across my single notebook page.

I tried not to think of _him. _I did everything I could manage, to keep my inner focus off of his face. The way when he smiled, a small dimple revealed itself in his right cheek, the way when I fought with him, his teeth would clench, and he would do all he could not to yell back at me. FOCUS. I looked back down at the paper. The lines where thicker now, thicker than they ever should have been, etched deep into the paper after being traced over several times. They reminded me of his veins the way they moved, deep and thick from the center of the paper, spiraling carelessly outward, and thinning as I reached the edge of the page. I put my pen down and traced them with my finger, remembering how I had taken his hand, cold and stiff into my own and traced the veins up his arm. STOP. I couldn't be thinking about him.

I turned the page. A fresh start. I lifted my pen from the desk and began to press it to the paper.

"RIIIIIINNNGGG!"

The horribly irritating sound of an alarm bell rang deafeningly through the room and quickly students were to their feet. I heard a mumble. It was always a mumble. No words came through. They never came through anymore. It was like I was driving through the mountains and trying to find a station on the radio. Nothing but static. I got up, closing my notebook of etched time, and headed towards the door.

On a normal day by this time I'd be starving. I'd be thankful that this was the release to lunch. I would be happy to spend a half hour of my day sitting in a room full of friends gossiping, and laughing. But this wasn't a normal day. It hadn't been a normal day since he left. Hell, if I was going to be honest, it hadn't been a normal day since I met him, but those days grew on me, and he became my norm. But again, today was nowhere near normal.

Now I had the luxury of sitting in a room full of mumbles. Oh how I wish I could remove myself from this torturous hell, and just be able to hear! I sat down at a table, and waited. The cafeteria filled, and yet my table remained empty. I was alone, as always. Somehow, it seemed people knew. It was as if I had it spelled out on my forehead 'FREAK' 'OUTCAST' 'LEAVE ME ALONE' I didn't know which, but I was sure they could all see it. Maybe they knew I couldn't hear them. Maybe they knew I couldn't see them through the haze that his face had left in my line of sight. So there I sat. Alone.

I stared at the clock on the far side of the room. Twelve fifteen. The second hand twitched, and I longed for it speed quickly along until it read Three. Three would be the time I should long for. It meant a break from this institution. A break from the mumble. But I truly longed for the time to move to when I could feel again, because even if it did instantly read Three, what was worse than the mumble, was the silence that I would be left to live in.

"RIIINNNGGG!"

My head was now laying on my arms over the table, head still turned to look at the clock. Twelve Forty. I should be getting up to move with the other people, to act like they acted. I wanted nothing more than to sit here for eternity, or at least until I died. That was a nice thought. Death. The word echoed in my mind like a bell ringing in an ancient church. It was almost hopeful. Death. It tasted sharp in my mind, like the edge of a razor.

I felt a hand on my shoulder breaking me free from the grips of my mind. "Bella?" I turned to look at the face. Nothing. A moving blur. Did I even know this person? "you're going to be late" it was a female. No, a male. I shook my head.

"Go ahead." I said, shaking them off my shoulder. "I'll catch up." They said something else, something I couldn't make out, but they were gone. I sat up, sure now that I should be moving to a class of some sort. I didn't know which one.

My legs did the walking, and I sort of followed. But I was headed out the door. Not to another building. Where was I going? My subconscious was obviously doing something, and yet I had no idea. I entered the woods and it all came flying back.

"_I CANT DO THIS!" he yelled, almost knowing how the words cut through me like knives. "You. You're not worth it! I just don't feel the same anymore!" _

_My mouth fell open, and I could feel the blood falling from my face. "I-I-I-" I stuttered. The words I longed to say were trapped deep in my throat, and they wouldn't surface. It was like my legs had been cut from under me, all the while he held my heart in his hand, and I just laid there, legless, heartless, lying on the ground. "Im sorry" It was stupid, but it was all I could say. He had to find it in himself to forgive me, whatever it was that I did, he had to forget it, he had to. I wanted nothing more than for him to grab me into his arms and say that he didn't mean it, that he would never mean it, and that he would be with me forever. But he just stared, no emotion, and shook his head._

"_Pathetic Bella" he shook his head in disgust. What, what could I have done to deserve this? "Nothing you say could ever change my mind." What, what was it that I did. My eyes pleaded with him, as silent tears spilled over the rims. "Im leaving. Get used to this. I'll never be back again, I will never have existed. Forget me. Like I am going to forget you."_

_He turned away, and began to walk. _

_I tried to reach out to him, but I fell, unable to move, un able to make a sound._

My eyes were shut tight, tears running down my face. I tried, focused on my insides, my beating heart, and I found myself again. A sharp sting ran over my body as every inch of my skin ached for his touch. I realized I was on the ground.

I didn't bother to move. It was a useless output of effort. So I sat there, gasping. I couldn't breath. It was always like this. Or it had been for the past 3 weeks. Anytime I let it get this far. I never wanted it to get this far. Why had I let it get this far. Tears burned my eyes as saw his face. My eyes weren't even closed, why could I see his face? The sick look of disgust on his face was more than I could bear and I shut my eyes again. THINK. I told myself, Think anything to avoid _him_ again.

I flexed my fingers, open, close, open close. FOCUS ON THE MOTION. I sucked in a deep breath, quick. Fast. It hurt. Open, close, open close. I opened my eyes. He was gone.

"You know, you really shouldn't go around doing that."

I shot up, fear flooding my every cell. The hair on my arms stood on end. "Who is it?" I asked. Who would be here, in the woods, when 6th period should be going on. My eyes wandered. I didn't see anyone. Did I ever see anyone anymore?

"People might think you're crazy." This time I strained. Where was it coming from, this voice? "Twitching on the ground stuttering incoherently isn't very attractive." There. Leaning against a tree. I saw her. It had to be a her, the voice was like an angel, smooth, light, but not beautiful, wise? It was like this voice had been to the depths of hell, and yet somehow made it to see the light of day again. Perhaps it was the voice of a fallen angel, marred by the flames of hell.

"what?" I asked, now seeing her. All clothed in black, her blonde hair was odd. "come closer?" I asked. Did I even know her? What was I thinking inviting an obvious stranger closer?

She walked, light, similar to Alice, a cigarette in her hand. She took a drag and dropped her hand again. "You really ought take someone with you if your going to walk into the woods and have an episode." she said nonchalantly as smoke wisped from her mouth with every word. She sat down next to me.

"It wasn't an episode" I said, wishing that I would disappear. What had she heard, what had a said? I tried not to remember.

She raised an eyebrow at my words. "What exactly was it then?" she asked taking another drag from her cigarette. "Cause Im sure, had I been someone who cared, or knew you, that seeing you writhing on the ground muttering to yourself, I would've thought you were having a seizure, maybe I would've called 911. But that's only if I knew you, or if I cared. But I don't, so I watched."

She spoke like life and death had no meaning…Death.. Mmm.. I savored the word. "did you like the show?" I asked as I delighted myself with such easy images as death. If only I could die so easily. A seizure in the woods, away from everyone and everything, how easy. But it would never happen. The likely hood of being put out of my misery naturally was impossible.

"It was alright. Not very good. There could have been a better climax, I mean you could have died, and I could've walked to the school and told the authorities, and then people could have looked at me for a few weeks, spreading rumors that I personally had killed you off in the woods. Yea" she sighed "the student body of Forks would've liked that" she trailed off, obviously thinking silently now.

"Oh, well sorry to disappoint" I whispered, hoping not to break her out of her reverie. Who the hell was she? "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" SHIT I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. This is why I avoided human contact.

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**A/N: So, I dont know if I should continue on this. Anyone have any suggestions? Review for the love of all things twilight, REVIEW =]**

**Thank you for Reading **


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